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"You can't choose who you love"
I told him
the day we fought,
the day we didn't know if
things would last
or not.
"All you can do is love them."

We had been fighting
over trivial things
that led to serious things
that led to our real
feelings surfacing.

He was being smothered.
I was feeling neglected.
His work
My needs
Our neverending desire to control
each other.

"But what if I don't love you?"
He asked,
his voice high and demanding.
Being as assertive
as he always was.
"What if the girl meant for me
isn't you?"

His words stung
but I knew it was a legitimate question
And acknowledgement led to my own doubts
until my common sense
shoved them aside.
And I tried to tell him
that maybe he was being foolish.

"Love isn't all roses and chocolate.
Sometimes it's downright ugly."

He glared,
not wanting to hear that reality
was more of a trek
than a ride.

"You can't choose who you love,"
I repeated,
and stuck out my chin
in my own indignant way.

"But perhaps you're distancing yourself
from what's really going on.
Your philosophical comments won't
solve our problems."
So sure of himself and his
ability to mask things
with his own loaded remarks,
he sat
and grinned his shit-eating grin.

I gritted my teeth.
He looked more triumphant.
I growled.
He let out a satisfied laugh.

"You're over-complicating things."

"You're over-analyzing."

"You're ignoring me."

"You're demanding too much!"

And again we were led to
the base
of why we suddenly felt
we hated each other.

And then I saw the man
I had fallen in love with.
Instead of seeing him as
callous,
I saw him pushing his way
to the top.
Instead of hearing him argue
over everything,
I heard him expressing his
opinions passionately.

My mood changed.
He noticed.
I re-asserted my position.

"You can't choose who you love."
He stopped grinning.
"But why would you want to?
Maybe we should both,
for once,
stop being so goddamned controlling
over everything.
This is one thing we have no say in."

He stood.
Clenched and unclenched his fists.
And he visibly relaxed.
I saw the skin on his jaw,
so taut from his anger,
smooth out.
I saw his negative mood melt
away.

He took one step toward me...
and threw up his hands.

"You can't choose who you love,"
he admitted.

I nodded,
he agreed.
We finally hugged.

"All you can do is love them."