Humorous
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You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same!
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Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine.
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The wheel is spinning, but the hamster is dead.
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Duct tape is like the Force. It has a dark side, it has a light side, and it holds the universe together.
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Why do they lock gas station restrooms? *
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
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Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
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Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
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"Auntie Em, Hate you. Hate Kansas. Taking the dog." -Dorothy
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Multitasking - screwing up several things at once.
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Join the Army. Meet interesting people, kill them.
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For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
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Quickly, I must hurry, for there go my people and I am their leader.
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If you get to it and you can't do it... well there you jolly well are, aren't you. *
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
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Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
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I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Lord Buckley